so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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