she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
