I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize
