I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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