she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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