Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
