Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
