I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
