I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
