I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
we should paint friendship bongs
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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