we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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