No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
