i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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