I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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