you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
