it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
