I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
