we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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