Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
