mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
