he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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