you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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