Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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