Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
