Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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