He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
