You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
