my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
