yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
