Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
