I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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