there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I want a musical about memes.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
