there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
