Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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