well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
