dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
