you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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