i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
