youre lurking in front of me
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Barsexuality is the new black.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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