Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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