Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
