she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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