My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
