Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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