dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
