new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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