epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
whose parrot is this?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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