Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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