It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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