he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
