They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
