his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Randomize
