This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
