We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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