i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
