we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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