I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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