Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
