I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
