I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
