I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
