There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
