The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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