2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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