i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
