I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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