There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
