Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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