He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
