the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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