can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
