I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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