She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
