I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My liver just had a heart attack.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize