I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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