I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Dignity is for republicans.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
