I met the friendliest cop last night
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
