Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize